


now I can't stand to be alone

by iwishihadariver (youcarrymeaway)



Category: Dash & Lily (TV), Dash and Lily's Book of Dares - Rachel Cohn & David Levithan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Christmas Fluff, F/M, feels abound, just some schmoopy college nonsense, the lack of fics for this pair must be rectified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27677630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youcarrymeaway/pseuds/iwishihadariver
Summary: “I miss my family. A lot. But, I don’t know…” Her elbow nudges into his side. “I’m not having the worst day, all things considered.”He grins crookedly. “Imagine what you would’ve done if you hadn’t met me.”She scoffs. “I would have gotten a lot more done, I can tell you that much.”(or, where Lily and Dash are in college and live in the same dorm, but have never met, until they're two of the only people who stay on campus over winter break, and decide to spend the holidays together.)
Relationships: Dash/Lily
Comments: 14
Kudos: 114





	now I can't stand to be alone

**Author's Note:**

> I loved the show so much that I finished both the whole series and the first book in the same day. Oops.
> 
> This fic was largely inspired by the upsetting lack of fics for these cuties. I had to do something. It's practically my duty.
> 
> Title is from "Perfect Places" by Lorde.
> 
> This is unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.

When he wakes up in his dorm room on December 15th, he is met with an utterly blissful silence.

Stretching out his arms as far as he can (with this movement, his tall frame runs the entire length of the standard dorm twin extra long bed), he yawns and grins happily to himself.

_I’m alone._

Most people might be sad at this realization. But not him. There’s nothing he loves more than the solitude.

(At least, so he tells himself.)

The last final exams of the fall semester occurred late yesterday afternoon, and thus this morning, the college campus is almost completely empty. Very few students remain in the area, as the vast majority had returned home to their families to spend the holidays with them.

Not Dash, though.

It’s not like he _didn’t_ have a family to go home to, or anything. Nothing as melodramatic as that. But his parents were divorced and they were off on glitzy vacations with their latest significant others.

They’d both invited him along. He had refused both offers; his mom’s because he had no interest in spending time with her and her boyfriend in Costa Rica, and his dad’s because he knew the offer wasn’t sincere anyway.

But really, he enjoyed the quiet. Getting to spend time by himself, truly by himself, was a luxury that he didn’t get to indulge in often.

Just him, and a school library a few thousand feet away. Endless possibilities await him.

He gets up from his bed and heads out of his dorm room to take a shower in the communal bathrooms. His roommate left for his home in the midwest a few short days ago, but Dash has yet to experience the joys of an empty bathroom. 

It’s just as amazing as he imagined it would be. He can spread out his clothes and towel and soaps as much as he wants, and gets to use the cleanest shower near the front that is almost always taken. He even lets himself belt out a tune as he stands under the spray. (But not too much. Just in case someone happened to be lurking around who could overhear, and blackmail him for the rest of eternity.)

When he finishes, he gets dressed and returns to his room. He sits down on the edge of his bed and checks his phone. He has a text from his best friend Boomer that reads:

_Text me if you need anything! I know you don’t mind being alone but just in case you can’t handle it let me know!_

Dash chuckles at his friend’s (undoubtedly earnest) offer and shoots back a message saying _you got it, thanks bud._ Boomer also had a family to go home to, so Dash had no intention of bothering him.

He decides then to grab some breakfast in the cafeteria, and shoves his shoes onto his feet. When he emerges from his dorm, the cold air gusts into his face, and he grimaces. Right. December.

Most people seem to find great joy during this despicably cold month, but Dash doesn’t really understand why. It’s not like anything in the world magically _changes_ during the (arbitrary) month of December. Just a few plastic decorations and tiny specks of man-made light don’t automatically equal happiness.

Call him a Scrooge, or Grinch, or whatever, but he just doesn’t enjoy it.

As he settles down into a booth with his breakfast in the quiet dining hall nearly entirely devoid of people, he begins to scroll through social media as he munches his cereal. He doesn’t use it much, but it’s nice to keep up with people from high school. And to follow his favorite authors. (The ones who are still alive, anyway).

A photo of Sofia appears.

He’s completely taken aback by this, as he muted her account the day after their relatively messy breakup. (He didn’t unfollow her. That kind of behavior is only reserved for the absolute worst breakups, like the ones that involve cheating.)

He realizes the photo was posted by Priya, and that’s why it’s showing up on his feed.

He debates for about three minutes whether to like it or not. He eventually decides to ignore it and keep scrolling. It’s probably for the best. Sofia might be back in the United States, but that didn’t mean they would ever see one another again. Best to not dwell on it.

When he finishes his breakfast, he heads to the library, his heart soaring at the prospect of spending the entire day there, by himself, amongst the stacks of the objects he holds most dear.

* * *

He spends the majority of the first week of break like this. Eating a (very) late breakfast in the cafeteria, reading in the library until dinnertime, getting dinner, and then heading to his dorm to read some more. Sleep, rinse, repeat.

But on December 21st, something changes.

He walks up the front steps to the library, ready to enjoy another day in his reading nook, and the doors are locked.

“What the hell?” He gapes up at the large doors in horror. “Don’t tell me…”

On the door is a taped piece of paper. He grabs for it.

_The library will be closed from December 21 through the new year. We will reopen our doors on January 4. Have a great holiday!_

He stares at the parchment for what feels like ten years. He’s violently seized by an urge to tear it into pieces.

He takes a series of long, deep breaths to repress the impulse. Finally, he feels stable enough to press the paper back onto the door and slowly step away.

Well, shit.

What the hell was he supposed to do with his break now?

He stumbles back to his dorm and flops back onto his bed, He stares at the underside of his roommate’s bunk that looms above him. He presses a hand to his eyes and heaves out a sigh.

He’s bored. He’s so, so bored.

It’s been about ten minutes of nothing when he finally makes a decision.

He’s not going to just sit here. During the school year, he’s so busy that he doesn’t have much time to just leisurely explore the campus and the building that he calls home.

So he decides to check out the kitchen in the basement of his building.

He’s never really been down to the basement before. Cooking is not something he’s ever known how to do. But maybe he could see what kind of equipment they have, so he can decide what he wants to make and can buy ingredients from the campus store.

He has nothing better to do, so why not learn a new skill?

It’s around three in the afternoon at this point, and while he knows there are still a few students living in his dorm, he doesn’t expect anyone to be in the kitchen right now.

Unfortunately, he’s very wrong about that.

He exits the bottom of the stairwell and opens the door to the kitchen, peering inside curiously.

The place is a complete mess.

Measuring cups and flour and sugar cover every square inch, leaving no visible counter space anywhere in sight.

In the eye of this veritable storm of a room is a single girl.

Her hair is dark brown and pulled back in a short ponytail, and she’s wearing a bright red sweater and white pajama pants with snowmen dotted across them. Her feet are only covered by thick woolen socks.

She’s mixing dough, presumably for something sugary - cookies or cupcakes or something equally cavity-inducing - and she’s sort of hopping up and down, humming to herself.

It’s very clearly a Christmas carol of some variety.

Oh, boy. She’s one of _them._

He starts to turn with the intent of getting the hell out of dodge, but it’s at that moment, as she is reaching behind her for something, that she spots him.

Her movement instantly ceases, and her eyes go wide.

“Oh,” she stutters. “Um. Hi.”

Her cheeks have white smudges of dough on them. He wonders faintly if she even knows that they're there.

“Hi,” he replies.

“I was just, um.” She glances around at the veritable baking bomb she has set off in this kitchen. “Baking.”

“I gathered.” Despite himself, he can’t help the tiny smirk that curls the corners of his mouth.

She seems to interpret this as derision, because she scoffs and turns away from him. She returns her attention to her dough, and begins stirring it more forcefully.

“Well, sorry if you needed the kitchen, but it’s taken. Not that you actually seem interested in using it, by the way, because you aren’t carrying any materials or ingredients or _anything_ , and also I have never _once_ seen you down here before, and trust me, I _would_ have seen you, because I’m down here all the time.” Her eyes flash back to his. “I mean, not like, _all the time_ , but like a normal amount. A very large, normal amount.”

He raises his eyebrows at her, wondering how much longer she’ll keep talking if he doesn’t interrupt.

“But even if I wasn’t down here, like, that much, I probably would still recognize you, because you’re very large, and guys don’t really come down here that much, and when they do they usually only use the microwave, and nothing else, and…” She finally seems to run out of breath, and shakes her head as she recovers. “Anyway, the point is, you’re definitely not here to bake.”

He can admit, privately, in his own mind, that she’s pretty damn cute.

“You’re right,” he says. “I’m not here to bake.”

“Then what are you doing here?” Her tone isn’t rude, exactly, but it’s also not the friendliest he’s ever heard. He can forgive her this, though, as he’s clearly intruding on time she had intended for herself. Like when he’s in the library, and someone interrupts his reading to ask about the location of a textbook. Annoying, but a common hazard of communal college life.

Plus, he can sense that she’s probably been made fun of for baking down here before. He wouldn’t put it past people to be dicks about the most ridiculous things.

He’s about to answer her with a mildly sarcastic quip, but something in him tells him not to. So instead, he says, “Honestly, I’m not really sure. I’ve just... Never been down here before. Figured I’d check it out.”

She studies him, clearly attempting to discern his sincerity. She seems to decide that she believes him, her shoulders and the rest of her posture relaxing. “It’s a nice kitchen,” she says. “A good place to come if you’re a fan of cooking. Or baking, like I am.”

He nods, stepping a bit further into the room instead of hovering at the entrance like a weirdo. “What are you making, anyway?”

A timer goes off above the oven, and she begins to roll the dough into balls atop a cookie sheet. “They’re lebkuchen spice cookies,” she says. “They’re the first batch I’m making this break. When these are done I’ll start on some of my other recipes, like eggnog and gingerbread.”

“It smells good,” Dash admits, stepping even closer to where she is working.

A tiny smile appears on her face. “Thanks.”

“So you live in this dorm?”

She nods. “Yeah. I’m guessing you do, too?”

He grins lightly. “Astute observation, Miss…?” he trails off, hoping she’ll fill in the gap.

She looks back up at him. “It’s Lily.”

“Lily,” he repeats. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Dash.” He holds out his hand for her to shake.

She blinks down at it and her small smile turns into a full-toothed grin. She has the kind of face that pastes every emotion she has openly across it, and it is this fact that makes her wide grin so appealing. It's open. Real.

Nothing like what Dash is used to from people.

She begins to reach her hand towards his but yanks it back when she realizes it’s covered in dough. 

“Nice to meet you, Dash,” she says, giving him a nod in lieu of the handshake. 

She returns to her task, and his hand falls awkwardly back to his side. Dash begins to edge back towards the door. “Well, I should probably leave you to your baking.”

Lily freezes. “You’re leaving?”

He blinks. “Well, the place is clearly occupied, so…”

“You should stay,” she announces, shocking him. “While I’m not sure you’ll be much help with my culinary creations, I can tell that you definitely don’t have anywhere else to be, and something _else_ tells me that you could use a little Christmas spirit right about now. So, come on. Help me dish these out.”

He’s genuinely taken aback by her insistent invitation, but he relents without much resistance. “Okay then. Should I use a spoon, or just my hands?”

She’s right, after all. He doesn’t have anywhere else to be. Some company might be nice, for a while. Even if it is with someone as nauseatingly cheery as Lily.

“Just so you know,” he adds as he washes his hands in the sink beside her, “there’s no way you can make me feel the Christmas spirit.”

Lily smirks. “We’ll see about that, Mr. Scrooge.”

* * *

He really, really hates to admit it.

But he has a wonderful afternoon with Lily.

And when they’re finished baking, they have a shit ton of cookies that Lily boxes up and gives to him to keep in his dorm. When he tries to protest, she refuses to relent.

“You made these,” she says. “You get to keep them.”

Eventually, he decides that it's really not worth fighting her on the issue, and accepts the cookie tin from her small hands.

He’s helping her clean up the kitchen when she hesitantly admits, “Today was way more fun than if I had just been by myself, just so you know.”

A grin spreads across his face at her admission. “I had a pretty good time, too,” he admits.

Lily scrubs the counter. “I’m sure you have places to be soon, though, so…”

He frowns. “I don’t.”

This surprises her. “Really? No plans at all for the break?”

He nods. “All of my friends went home. I’m the only one left.”

Lily smiles sympathetically. “Same here. My friends all went home last week.”

"It's nice to know I'm not the only one."

They finish cleaning their mess, and they heave sighs of relief at finishing the task.

He’s ready to say goodbye to Lily, and head back to his room to be alone once again, but she surprises him for a second time.

“Want to be my friend for the break?”

He blinks.

“What?”

The first time she said it, it was a bit unsure, but this time it’s firmer as she repeats, “We’re clearly both stuck here, alone, over the break. What if we joined forces? Did some fun stuff?” She hesitates. “You know, hang out, or whatever.”

The situation is patently absurd. The girl who's practically his polar opposite, who he only met about an hour and a half ago, is proposing they spend the break together?

In his heart, though, he has to admit that he really did have fun today. Who was he to say no to an offer of friendship?

“Okay,” he agrees. “Let’s do it.”

* * *

For their first “hang out” or "friend date", or whatever you want to call it, Lily tells Dash to meet her near the entrance to the student center at six. For whatever reason, he doesn’t bother asking her what they will be doing. It seems more fun to keep it a surprise.

When he arrives, he spots Lily leaning against the side of the building. Her face lights up with joy when she spots him. It’s exactly the expression a child would have opening their present on Christmas morning, and his heart does something funny in his chest.

Weird.

“You made it!” she chirps. She's wearing a red hat with pom-poms that is absurdly adorable. He wonders if she is descended from a Christmas elf, or something. 

“That I did,” he replies. “What, exactly, did I make it to?”

She trots up to him. “You’ll see.”

They walk past the doors and into the student center, and on the top floor he spots a small crowd of students gathered together.

“Is someone, like, performing tonight or something?” he asks.

Lily presses her lips together and doesn’t say anything. “I told you, you’ll see.”

They scale the stairs and join the crowd of students. Dash doesn’t recognize anyone, which a small part of him is relieved by.

The group begins to move and shift, until they’re standing in a large circle, with a few students standing proud in the center.

Too late, he realizes what he’s in for.

“Oh, no,” he breathes.

Lily is clearly delighted. “Oh, yes.”

The students in the center of the circle all inhale in unison, and begin to sing.

After a moment, the rest of the gathered students join in. Including Lily.

They’re singing Christmas carols.

He shoots Lily a glare, albeit not a particularly fierce one. She merely grins in response.

 _Scrooge,_ she mouths at him.

After the song finishes and they loop into the next one, she notices that he still isn’t singing and nudges him, hard.

“Ow,” he mutters.

But he heeds the warning, and begrudgingly begins to sing along.

_outside the snow is falling and friends are calling you_

_come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you_

Lily is hopping with joy next to him, and that combined with the general cheer surrounding him does him in. He chuckles.

Goddamn Lily for making him cheery, like he promised himself he wouldn't be.

"Sleigh Ride" ends, and everyone claps and cheers. Lily grabs his arm and shakes it excitedly.

"I knew you could do it!" Her head is about shoulder height, and standing next to her like this he really has to look down to meet her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbles.

"Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" begins, and he finds that he quite likes the sound of his and Lily's voices together like this.

* * *

The singing eventually ends, and the students begin to disperse, probably to go get drunk together. Lily is beaming, practically radiating Christmas spirit from her pores.

“That was awesome,” she says enthusiastically.

He smiles reluctantly. “I guess it was all right.”

They begin to walk back towards the student center entrance, and their dorm building.

“In my high school,” she starts ruefully, “i was known as ‘third-verse Lily’, because I was the only one who ever knew any of the songs past the second verse.”

Dash chuckles. “That is very unsurprising to me.”

She shakes her head with a laugh. “My parents have always said that they sometimes wonder if I was an elf in a previous life.”

"I was honestly wondering the same thing."

After a moment, he asks, tentatively, “So why aren’t you going home for Christmas?”

Her good mood visibly dims, but she shrugs as if it’s not a big deal. “Oh, my parents are in Fiji for their honeymoon. They never got one, when they were first married, so they’re taking it now. And my grandpa, who I also live with, is in Florida.” She kicks her boot at a rock on the path. “And my brother is too dopey and in love with his new boyfriend to want to hang out with his little sister much. So I figured it probably wasn’t worth the flight back to New York.”

He feels his heart jump. “Wait. You’re from New York?”

She nods. “Yeah. From the East Village, in the city.”

“No way. I’m from the city, too!”

Her eyes brighten. “Oh my gosh, that’s so cool! Where’s your favorite place to be in New York City?”

He considers this. “Well, it’s not even a competition, really. It’s The Strand bookstore, no doubt about it.”

Her jaw drops open. “My cousin Mark works there?”

He laughs incredulously. “No way! That's so cool.”

After that, they can’t stop talking about New York City, The Strand, books, and so much else he can’t even remember it all. What he does remember is the shape of Lily’s smile and the sound of her laugh.

* * *

Two days later, he gets a text from a number he doesn’t recognize.

**Unknown**

_Hi! It’s Lily._

Right. He'd given her his phone number at the end of their evening together.

He g **rins.**

**Dash**

_Hey Lily. What’s up?_

**Lily**

Do you want to hang out today? I have a few more ideas on how to get you into the Christmas spirit ;)

He snorts.

**Dash**

_I’m willing to try, but I’m not holding my breath on this one._

She texts him a time and place to meet up with her. He doesn’t recognize the location, but doesn't question it.

He's still not sure what they're doing as he arrives at the address she gave him. It's an unassuming convenience store near downtown.

"What on Earth are we doing?" He calls as he spots her approaching him. "This doesn't look very Christmas-y to me."

"Oh, have some faith, would you?" she replies as she comes to stand next to him.

He sighs. "Okay, okay. So what now?"

Lily gestures in front of them. "Follow me, and you'll see."

They walk about four blocks down the street, heading in the direction of the heart of downtown.

As they get closer and closer to the city's center, Dash begins to vaguely understand what they're doing.

"Lily, are we window shopping?"

The stores on the street they just entered are brightly lit, with twinkling lights and massive displays of their goods decked out in holiday colors and decor. A plastic reindeer peers out at him from the window of a clothing store.

"We most certainly are!" Lily points up ahead of them, where the decorated storefronts seem to get more and more elaborate. "What better Christmas activity for poor college kids with no money than getting to look at all the pretty things you _would_ buy, if you could?"

"Sounds like kind of a bummer would you put it like that."

She frowns. "It's not, though. Sure, we can't buy that stuff _now,_ but maybe when we graduate, and have a job, and stuff, then we can fulfil all the dreams we've had in the past! Don't you want to plan out the things you'll buy when you _do_ have money?"

Dash shrugs. "I don't know. Nothing I want is particularly expensive. I've seen first hand that having money doesn't automatically get you everything you want."

Lily seems to concede this point to him.

"I guess that's true. But still, we get to look at some really pretty displays!"

He grins despite himself. "Yeah, I guess so." 

“Come on!” she insists, grabbing him by the edge of his jacket and tugging him along. He has absolutely no choice but to follow her.

Her hand remains closed around his wrist for most of their walk, and he makes no effort to remove it.

* * *

They’re walking past more colorful storefront when Lily asks, “So why do you hate Christmas so much?”

He glances down at her small, bundled-up frame. “I don't know,” he says dismissively.

Lily is not satisfied with this answer, and gives him a sharp look in reproach.

“Come on, Dash.” She shakes her head. “I told you the other day why I’m having a sucky Christmas. It’s your turn to fess up.”

Dash looks away. He decides that it’ll be easier to talk while not looking at her face.

“I loved Christmas as a kid,” he begins, “Until I was eight, it was one of my favorite times of year, just like any other kid. But then my parents got divorced, and it just kind of became the time of year that reminded me my family was broken. Nonexistent.” He shrugs. “It’s all just fake cheer, you know. Like our lives are just as awful in December as they are the rest of the year. Why do we have to act like it’s not?”

Lily digests what he's said for a minute. Then, in a move he isn’t expecting, her hand slides down and her fingers entwine with his. He feels his breath catch in his throat at the simple action.

It feels good. Natural.

“I think,” she begins, “that I understand where you’re coming from. But if our lives are so bad all the time, what’s wrong with making our own joy every once in a while?” She smiles slightly up at him.

He can feel his ears turning a bit red. It’s definitely because of the cold. He probably should have worn a hat.

“Maybe I’m just jealous of all the people who have families this time of year,” he admits quietly. “I like being alone for the most part, but it kind of sucks, sometimes.”

Her eyes are fixed on his. “It does suck to be alone.”

There’s a long, strange moment where they stare at one another. Dash blinks away first, turning to look back at the passing stores. They’re nearing the end of the block, now, and he notices with a jolt of excitement that the last shop on the corner is a bookstore.

“Let’s go in there,” he points.

Lily grins. “I really should have known.”

He glares in mock offense, and she laughs.

They go in and explore the bookstore for a bit. They're so involved in discussing the merits of various classics, that one of the shopkeepers gives them an annoyed look. Dash thinks that this behavior is probably terrible for business, but whatever. It's not his shop.

He's a bit sad that his dad's Christmas check hasn't arrived for him yet, so he can't afford to buy anything.

After the woman's glares get a bit too sharp, they decide to leave and get some food at the pizza place a few doors down. Once there, Dash orders an interesting-looking vegetarian pizza, while Lily orders a plain cheese.

He stares at her incredulously when she’s done speaking with the cashier.

“Cheese? Really?”

She’s defensive. “What’s wrong with cheese?”

“Nothing, except that it’s the world’s most boring pizza.”

Hurt flashes across her face. “I am _not_ boring.”

He finds them a booth and slides into it. “I never said that _you_ were boring, I said that your pizza choice was boring.”

She sets her pizza box onto the table a bit harshly. “Well, normally when people say, 'your shirt's boring' or 'your music tastes are boring', what they really mean to say is 'you are a boring person, Lily.'"

He shakes his head. "I didn't mean it like that, okay? You're not boring."

She won't meet his eyes, instead choosing to stuff a piece of pizza into her mouth.

"And so what if you are 'boring' to someone?" he continues. "You're not boring to me. Maybe I'm boring, too. Maybe there's nothing wrong with being a little boring sometimes."

She seems to relax at this, a tiny smile appearing on her lips.

"You do like to read an obscene amount. That's kind of boring."

"See? We're two peas in a pod, you and I."

She fully relaxes then, eating her pizza at a more normal pace.

"Your pizza choice is kinda boring, too."

"Screw you," he says mildly.

* * *

It’s just after noon on Christmas Eve when there’s an unexpected knock on his dorm’s door.

He eyes it warily, then gets up from his bed to open the door. Lily stands on the other side, her hands twisting together nervously. 

“Hey,” she says. “I know we didn’t make any plans for today, but I don’t think anyone should be alone on Christmas Eve, and…” She hesitates. “And I just really like hanging out with you, so. Do you wanna go do something festive?” Her eyes are shining with so much hope. 

Dash can feel any resistance he ever had for the holidays or for Lily herself melting away like Frosty the Snowman on a warm day.

“Sure,” he says. “What did you have in mind?”

* * *

He bundles up and the pair heads off campus to a large mall on the outskirts of the city. The place is frantic with last-minute shoppers, but Lily seems unfazed by the chaos.

“We’re not shopping,” she explains measuredly. “We’re doing all the fun stuff that no one else would be doing today.”

Their first stop is to see a movie. (Not a Christmas movie, because those screenings were packed with families, and neither one of them wanted to join the fray.) They share a giant tub of popcorn, and snicker at the film’s terrible dialogue and ridiculous plot points. When they’re done, they grab some food from the food court; there’s a ramen place that Lily insists he try, and he ends up loving it. (He even tells her so, and the smug look she gives him is weirdly attractive.)

They’re in the bowling alley, an hour before the place closes for the day and midway through their game, when he admits to Lily, “My ex-girlfriend broke up with me on Christmas last year. So maybe that’s another reason why I’m kind of a Grinch.”

She’s taken aback by this sudden information, freezing in place. She manages to recover quickly. “I’m sorry, Dash,” she says solemnly. “That really sucks. No one should ever be dumped on Christmas.”

He smiles faintly down at his bowling ball in his hands. “Yeah, well, I've gotten over it. But that's not something you forget easily.”

They’re quiet for a minute, before Lily pokes him gently in the arm.

“Maybe you could pretend the pins are her face,” she suggests.

Dash laughs.

* * *

It’s getting dark when they leave the mall. Dash stuffs his hands in his coat pockets; it’s really getting cold out.

“Where to now?” he asks.

Lily seems a bit more subdued than earlier, when they were having fun. She's likely a bit tired from all the activity. “I don’t know,” she says. “Nothing’s really open anymore, so...”

They stand quietly by the street as they wait for their ride share, having decided to just head back to campus.

When the car arrives, they climb in through the same door. They both laugh awkwardly when Dash accidentally sits on top of Lily's leg instead of the seat. The driver gives them a speculative look, but doesn’t comment.

They're quiet as they listen to the Christmas radio station that's playing over the car speakers. Lily quietly sings to herself, and Dash smiles.

They arrive at campus, and stare at one another thoughtfully once they're out of the car.

“First, we need some hot chocolate,” he finally says decisively.

Lily grins. “Obviously.”

They buy their drinks from the cafe on campus, where the student worker looks positively miserable. He throws her a sympathetic smile as he hands her the money.

Dash leads them to one of the classroom buildings. Lily looks at him quizzically. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see. It's my turn for a surprise."

He lets them through a door, and they step out onto a balcony overlooking the rest of campus.

“Are we allowed to be here?” Lily asks, breathless, as her wide eyes take in the scene in front of her.

He raises his eyebrows at her. “I mean, no, of course not, but who’s checking?”

She gives him a frightened look, and he groans.

“Lily, I promise, it’s fine. I’ve been up here a bunch of times, and I’ve never had anyone bother me.”

“How did you find this?” she asks.

He shrugs absently. “I was just looking for a quiet place to read one day, and found this. It’s a well-kept secret, I guess.”

The two of them sit with their back against the wall, drinking their hot chocolate. Lily munches her cookies happily, and Dash swipes one from the bag. She gives him a mock affronted look, but instead of chiding him she just laughs. He grins back at her. Their shoulders are pressed together.

“If you were at home, what would you be doing right now?” he asks.

Lily smiles wistfully. “Well, right about now I’d be with my parents, and my brother Langston, and my grandpa. We’d invite the rest of the family over for Christmas Day, but Christmas Eve…” She sighs. “Christmas Eve was just for us. We would sing carols and drink hot chocolate and play games by the fire and…” She trails off, staring mournfully into the distance.

“That sounds really nice,” he says quietly.

She refocuses her attention on him. “Yeah, it is.” She takes another sip of her drink. “And I miss them. A lot. But, I don’t know…” Her elbow nudges into his side. “I’m not having the worst day, all things considered.”

He grins crookedly. “Imagine what you would’ve done if you hadn’t met me.”

She scoffs. “I would have gotten a lot more done, I can tell you that much.”

“Right. And by ‘gotten more done’ you mean you would have baked eighteen more batches of cookies, none of which you could have eaten yourself.”

“I would have donated them to a good cause.” She sniffs. “Maybe I would’ve knocked on every single door in the dorm and announced that I’d made cookies.”

Dash grins ruefully. “There’s not a doubt in my mind that you would.”

Lily returns to studying the overview of campus. Dash can’t seem to stop watching her. How the moonlight illuminates her features.

“What,” she finally grumbles, a pink hue beginning to taint her cheeks. “Why are you staring at me?”

Dash considers lying. Considers laughing it off or making a dumb joke. He’s already got around five different ones to choose from; all he has to do is narrow it down, figure out which one will make her merely roll her eyes and not actually hurt her feelings.

But it’s Christmas Eve. And he’s feeling a little bit brave.

So he says, “You’re just really pretty.”

Her eyes snap to his, her mouth falling open. 

“Uh,” she laughs awkwardly, her hands clutching her cup tighter in her hands. “Okay,”

He doesn’t flinch away from her reaction. “I mean it.”

Lily bites her lip. “Well. Thanks. You're pretty, too.”

"I've never been called that before," he muses, a flush of happiness overtaking him.

They’re quiet for a few uncomfortable beats. Then, Lily speaks abruptly.

“I’ve never been kissed.”

He blinks. “What?”

If he thought her face was flushed before, it was nothing compared to the beet red that spreads across her face now. “I mean - you were just - I just thought that it would be good to explain that -” She huffs in frustration. “Forget I said anything?”

He smiles at her.

It’s crazy that he would find himself here. A romantic moment with a cute girl on a balcony on Christmas Eve; it’s a scenario that fanciful Dash had never even considered for himself.

But he has to concede that he’s pretty happy with how things turned out.

“I like you, Lily,” he whispers, like it’s a secret that no one else in the world but her can know.

She still seems unsure, but her smile is genuine and real as she quietly says, “I like you too, Dash,”

Her hazel eyes practically glow in the dim light. What romantic nonsense. 

He gingerly touches the side of her face, stroking her soft cheek with his thumb. Her eyes flutter close.

“Would you like to have your first kiss, Lily?” he asks, his voice a low rumble.

Lily swallows, and nods.

He leans in and captures her lips with his.

Her mouth is soft and warm against his, and he thinks faintly that this must be what real Christmas magic feels like.

He slots their mouths more firmly against hers and wraps his free arm around her body. She reciprocates by sliding one of her hands into his hair.

It's the sensation of falling and being lit on fire all at once, and he thinks it might be one of the best moments of his life.

He pulls away to see her expression. It's one of wonder as her eyes open slowly again to look up at him.

"Was it what you hoped for?" he asks.

"No." She wets her lips. "It was better."

* * *

They kiss for a long time that night, but eventually begin to feel the chill of the night and agree to head back to their dorm. Dash insists that stick together overnight, however, so that they can be with someone on Christmas morning. Lily watches him suspiciously during this explanation, but when he insists that his intentions are nothing but pure, she relents.

“Fine,” she says. “But we’re staying in my room. Yours smells like Axe body spray.”

He sulks. “It’s my roommate’s.”

She giggles.

* * *

Christmas morning dawns bright, and despite his adamance that he would hate the holiday, Dash has to admit that he’s having a pretty damn good day already.

Lily lays next to him, her head pillowed on his shoulder and her arm draped across his chest. She’s wearing a sweatshirt of his that he had lent to her, and one of her socked feet is propped atop his shin. He grins stupidly up at the underside of the top bunk as she snores softly. (As it turns out, he and Lily are both bottom-bunk dwellers.)

She’s so cute, his Lily.

She stirs then, and blinks sleepily up at him.

“Merry Christmas,” he rumbles.

The words seem to jog something within her, and she bolts upright. 

"Oh my gosh, it's Christmas!" Her moment of joy is subdued, however, when her conscious brain seems to remember where she is. She sags momentarily, before her eyes focus on him.

He's not sure what to expect, but a full-body hug probably wasn't it.

"Hey," he mumbles as his hand runs through her hair. "You okay?"

She sniffles slightly. "Yeah, I am. Just..." She presses herself a bit closer to him. "Thanks for being here."

He kisses her forehead. "Of course, Lily."

* * *

She got him a gift.

He’s pretty shocked about this, as they’ve only known each other for a few days. Not that he hasn’t done the same, of course. He just would not have been mad at her if she hadn’t.

But how could he expect her to not? She's Lily. Christmas fanatic Lily.

His gift for her is just in a bag with gift paper inside to obscure the gift, while his is properly wrapped with paper and a bow. He grins ruefully at the difference in their artistic abilities.

She insists that he open his first, and he obliges. He unwraps his gift with as much care as he can. (He’s not a caveman, okay.)

The present reveals itself to be a red notebook.

Lily is anxiously toying with the strings of his sweatshirt. “It’s a journal,” she says unnecessarily. “I thought that… it might be nice for you to have a place to write about all the books you read. And about anything else you don’t want to say out loud.”

He smiles down at his gift. “I’ve never gotten a journal before.”

“Do you like it?” She’s still clearly worried about whether he likes it or not.

He grins at her. “I really do. Thank you, Lily.”

She opens her gift next. 

"A picture frame?" she asks quizzically as she pulls it out of the bag.

Dash scratches behind his ear. "Yeah. So you can put a picture of your family in it, and have it on your desk, or something." He shrugs. "Maybe it'll help you feel a little closer to them."

She kisses him in gratitude.

"I love it," she says, smiling, as she pulls away from him to look at it again. "Thank you, Dash."

"Merry Christmas, Lily."

Lily requests politely that he return to his own room then, she can give her various family members a call. Before he leaves, she presses a quick kiss to his mouth.

“I’ll be down to meet you later, okay?” she says, her cheeks a pretty pink and her eyes bright. "After all, we've got more cookies to make."

Dash pulls her in for a more complete kiss, before pulling away and resting his forehead against hers. “Yeah, I’ll see you later.”

She beams, before he gets up and shuts the door behind him.

He calls his parents. Both are quite obligatory, but his mother at least pretends to be interested in what he’s up to. He tells her that he’s spending time with friends, but doesn’t get more specific than that. It’s way, way too soon to tell her about Lily, anyway.

But a part of him knows he will, someday soon.

His dad doesn’t even ask how he’s spending his time. Just wants to know if he received his check yet. Dash peers over at the slip on his desk and drones out an affirmative.

When he’s done calling, he’s not quite sure what to do with his free time. Out of curiosity, he picks up the notebook from Lily. He opens it up to the first page.

On the inside cover, there’s a note.

_I was ready to hate this Christmas_

_but you made it one that I will remember forever_

_thank you_

_-Lily_

He laughs to himself.

He’s never going to think of this holiday the same way ever again.

Maybe Christmas isn't so bad, when you're with the right people.


End file.
